Thoughts in My Head

Aku.. Membayangkan Surga Ada Di Depanku
Depan Mataku..
Saat Aku Menikmati Teduhnya Wajahmu
Indah Hatimu

Tak Jemu-jemu Ku Pandang
Begitu Elok Kau Tercipta

#
Tak Pernah Henti-hentinya Aku
Terus Mencintai Dirimu
Tak Pernah Henti-hentinya Aku
Tetap Menyayangi Dirimu
Seperti Adanya Diriku
Seperti Adanya Aku Ini
Seperti Adanya Diriku
Seperti Adanya…

Aku Ingin Melupakan Hasrat Tuk Melangkah Sejenak Pergi
Inginku Sempurnakan Hidupku Disampingmu Memeluk Jiwamu

Tak Jemu-jemu Ku Pandang
Begitu Elok Kau Tercipta

In a few days, our beloved country will be celebrating it’s Independence Day. We’ve heard a lot of people commenting about how wrongly we celebrate our National Day. In my opinion, every individual has their own way of celebrating any celebration in their life. Is there any right or wrong? I don’t know. Every now and then people need  to be reminded that this is life. This is other people’s life too. So Happy Merdeka Day to my fellow friends. May you all be happy and all the best wishes.

What is this warm fuzzy pleasant feeling inside? Why does it tingles and mingle so much? Why does it feels so strong and radiantly showing it out.

today, 23 years ago i was born.

i’m so grateful that this year i’m not alone. not alone anymore. and hopefully will never be alone anymore.

thank you for all your love, support & care sayang.

life as a software developer is really demanding. apart from the sometimes odd hours of work and the pressure,  people sometime expect you to do magic. "eh,can you make this screen like this or that?","can you make these comes out as capital letters?","can you make this part of screen dissappear while the other one stays?" - sometimes, the system is already running bug-free when some idiot-ass-kisser over-ambitious-guy suddenly remembered that the application should be like something else. yup, mr.know-it-all wants something else instead. albeit the change of requirement needing us as the developer to look at the codes again, understand the business logic, assess whether it is feasible, whethere it will have an impact with other applications. the worst case is handling those quick dirty codes. you’ll find much more mess to rectify that even the slightest change will effect the whole data structure. hence the need to start all over from scratch causing the delay of the project. thus causing the manager to lose some hair or gain some sort of hypertension that needs to be hyperventilate and be known by anger and frustations towards their fellow workers. in turn causing low moral and low self-esteem and unproductive quality of work. then comes the office politics where everyone is pointing fingers at each other. saving their own sorry ass, neither one accepting any sort of accountibility. no matter how hard i try not to be involve in these pathetic politic-mongers, it seems that in some way i’ll be partly mention in some email reaching the top management level. making me have to write back and explain all the missing holes in someones else story. the plot thickens and everybody’s trying to find a way out.

yes, welcome to the real world. or in my case, the software development world. i was better off doing freelance jobs before. but then again, life is immense, you never know what awaits you in the future. maybe i’ll hang on a little more and look for other oppurtunities.

"what do you want to do in your life?" my cousin ask me that question. that’s a tough one to nail i tell ya.

it’s lunch time and i just had to spam your email write something in this blog. nothing much nowadays but only a pile of work to be done. no, make it tons of work. so kudos to you wherever you are. i just need to defrag by brain and make it function in a proper manner (if ever it ever worked in a proper manner).

I was tagged by yunAyuni and I have nothing better to do. So here goes..

1. Being part of my primary school ‘boria’ group. Yeah, we did all the moves and sang along infront of people. Don’t even ask me why I bothered to join.
2. All the exams and test. The pressure is way intense. The funny thing is when I entered college, I didn’t feel the same pressure as I was sitting an exam in secondary school. It sort of felt neautral.
3. My white ‘Bata’ school shoes with the one with the zaps on. I remembered how I hated to wash my pair of shoes and then ‘kapur’ it to make it look white and brand new. Come to think of it, I guess the only reason I became a prefect  in school because I did not want the hassle of having to wash my shoes. Prefects wear black ~hihi..what a lame excuse.
4. I don’t know about you guys but you must have one of those kids who likes to annoy you. In my case, it was my elder brothers friends. They were like the ’see-what’s-wrong-with-that-kid’ inspectors. Always finding ways to bug me. Man, how I hated those times.
5. Kena rotan ngan mak. I was kinda naughty growing up so I had to be diciplined by my mom that way. Once, I even set fire to my old house when we used to live in Serdang. The frequent graffiti on the walls of the house, etc.

And who am I gonna pass this to? Nah, I don’t pass it, I diss ‘em.

excerpts of my daily work life…

for (int i = 0; i < workingDays; i ++){
    for (int j = 0; j< workingHours; j++){
       if (work != null && work.size() !=0){
            me = work + j;
            if (work != completed){
                workingHours + j;
            }
        }
    }
}

hmmm.. gotta find a way to get out of the rat race. ain’t gonna live my life in this trap.

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention, do you?
I know you don’t listen to me
‘Cos you say you see straight through me, don’t you?

And on and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I’ll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I’ll be waiting in line, just to see if you care

Oh…
Did you want me to change?
Well I changed for good
And I want you to know that you’ll always get your way
I wanted to say…

Don’t you shiver
Shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I’ll always be waiting for you

So you know how much I need ya
But you never even see me, do you?
And is this my final chance of getting you

And on and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I’ll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I’ll be waiting in line, just to see if you care

Oh…
Did you want me to change?
Well I changed for good
And I want you to know that you’ll always get your way
I wanted to say…

Don’t you shiver
Don’t you shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I’ll always be waiting for you

Yeah I’ll always be waiting for you
Yeah I’ll always be waiting for you
Yeah I’ll always be waiting for you, for you
I will always be waiting…

And it’s you I see but you don’t see me
And it’s you I hear so loud and so clear
I sing it loud and clear
And I’ll always be waiting for you

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me

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June is soon to end. It also means that
we’re reaching the half-way mark of this year. I remembered about
my new year’s resolution. I’ve nearly forgotten all about it when
suddenly a friend of mine talking about his resolutions for this
year. What he done so far and so on. So here is mine.

Resolution #1

It was for me to loose some weight.
Well it’s been weeks since I last workout and I think that I may
have added some weight. I feel pretty much bloated. Man, how it really sucks to
be fat!

Resolution #2

To further enhance my abilities of
playing the guitar. I’m sloppy. My level of playing is still at the
same level as before. I don’t have the motivation to learn right
now. The only thing I do with my guitar is I pick it up, plug it in
and whack it senseless until I’m tired of listening to myself or
until my mum or my next door neighbor yells for me to stop.

Resolution #3

Aha! We’ve finally reach the one that
I’ve totally nailed it. I’ve graduated (with a decent CGPA score)
and got me self a good decent job. Been working like crazy these past
few weeks but it gives me a genuine satisfaction of the job done.

I’m still working on  #1 and #2. It
just needs time. Like the old saying,”…..,” I forgot what the
old saying is (darn,  it’s like I’m high or something). Anyway, I
think I’ll be adding up two more which I have thought about it for
sometime but was/am afraid of declaring it. Just because the other
side of me thinking that if you write more, you’ll do less. And so
my extended resolution is to do/have as follow.

Resolution #4

Quit smoking.

Resolution #5

A girlfriend.

Now suddenly number 4 seems so much
easier to do…